My husband died on Good Friday
The neuro-oncologist said he would die, the palliative care team said he would die, then the hospice team said he would die. Soon.
But no matter how prepared we think we are, we aren’t.
This was not the first time we had to address mortality. Six years ago Randy had a lung transplant that saved his life. But 5 years after the transplant he had a seizure that led to a diagnosis of inoperable, incurable brain cancer. So we knew, because the neuro-oncologist told us, that he didn’t have long to live. Many tests and scans, radiology, chemotherapy, but the tumor grew and another tumor appeared and finally, the cancer spread to his spinal column. And suddenly life expectancy was 1-3 months and he was in palliative care mode. So I KNEW he was dying quickly. But despite the passing weeks and months, I sometimes can’t believe it. I mean, how could he just DIE? How could he be GONE?
This was a good day
Impromptu lunch in the parking lot
It was bound to happen

Six months and counting

Blue Angels
Photo by Sawyer Bengtson on Unsplash

When did bald chests become a thing?

More about the kitchen

A word about Covid
On our last trip to Yosemite a year before he died

Witching hour
Photo by David Boca on Unsplash

The emotional weight of grief

Another reminder

We talked all the time
It’s not just the camera angle.

Mosquito in the house
Jane Stroebel on Unsplash

Another pinprick
Photo by Lukas Schroeder on Unsplash
Not a cowboy
Rodeo Randy

Just so sad
Fifth grade
Pinpricks

In the closet
He had many shirts - this is just one closet.

Different day, different beach
Santa Cruz State Beach

Today it’s your birthday
Randy’s favorite flower

A day at the beach…sort of
Half Moon Bay State Beach