It was bound to happen

I just received the first phone call from someone who didn’t know Randy had died. His cell number has already been given to someone else so I hadn’t really expected it to happen. But we have a land line because cell service is so bad here and I’m the only one who uses it so I didn’t expect a call for him there either. But the phone rang and I picked it up expecting a friend or a business call.

Voice: Is this Randy?

Me: [confused because…I have a woman’s voice?] No, this is Cheryll. [I used to say, No, this is his wife - can I help you? But now…]

Voice: Is Randy there?

Me: He died in April.

Voice: Oh, I’m so sorry. Were you related to him?

At this point I have to say that the person calling was an LDS missionary, so a very young woman who doesn’t know any better, but if I hadn’t been so shocked I probably would have snorted. What a bizarre conversation.

Shock and numbness. Every first - first time I sign something that used to have his name on it, first time I have to check the box for widow, first time I have to say I live alone - each time it’s like he dies again. So hard, and always a surprise.