Six months and counting

A holiday party - you can see by my face how much I loved him.

Today is October 7th, 6 months since Randy died. For the first time since I started this blog I really can’t think of any words, I have no story, I’m just sitting here crying. Since he died I’ve been shifting from one emotional state to another: shocked disbelief, sadness beyond anything I’ve ever felt before, determinedly pushing myself to go on with daily life. I feel unmoored.

Six months, half a year, with his birthday coming up, then Thanksgiving and the day we met at the reunion. And then Christmas and the week in January that we spent together in his little studio apartment when we weren’t even sure what we were doing. And those memories and anniversaries will keep piling up and it will never end.