My husband died on Good Friday
The neuro-oncologist said he would die, the palliative care team said he would die, then the hospice team said he would die. Soon.
But no matter how prepared we think we are, we aren’t.
This was not the first time we had to address mortality. Six years ago Randy had a lung transplant that saved his life. But 5 years after the transplant he had a seizure that led to a diagnosis of inoperable, incurable brain cancer. So we knew, because the neuro-oncologist told us, that he didn’t have long to live. Many tests and scans, radiology, chemotherapy, but the tumor grew and another tumor appeared and finally, the cancer spread to his spinal column. And suddenly life expectancy was 1-3 months and he was in palliative care mode. So I KNEW he was dying quickly. But despite the passing weeks and months, I sometimes can’t believe it. I mean, how could he just DIE? How could he be GONE?
Witching hour
Photo by David Boca on Unsplash
The emotional weight of grief
Another reminder
We talked all the time
It’s not just the camera angle.
Mosquito in the house
Jane Stroebel on Unsplash
Another pinprick
Photo by Lukas Schroeder on Unsplash
Not a cowboy
Rodeo Randy
Just so sad
Fifth grade
Pinpricks
In the closet
He had many shirts - this is just one closet.
Different day, different beach
Santa Cruz State Beach
Today it’s your birthday
Randy’s favorite flower
A day at the beach…sort of
Half Moon Bay State Beach
Sing along
Images by Eddie, Thomas Steffan, Compadre Eduardo and Carl Lender.
A kind of forever
Photo by Judson Moore on Unsplash
So here’s the thing
He had a lot of hats
Missing him so much
Refrigerator magnets I never want to take down
A word about Facebook
I don’t know what he was doing with this photo - that’s the shower wall behind him and it doesn’t look nice at all. I’m thinking he was doing some photoshop work, playing around with black and white.
One thing at a time
At a restaurant on the Embarcadero
I forgot
Fancy teapot