Missing him so much

Many years ago when all four kids were living with us I bought a set of these refrigerator magnets. Lots of funny stuff, silly conversations. But when you’ve got teenagers in the house you know things can go south. There was a little suggestive content and Randy took the whole thing down. He thought it was inappropriate, and maybe it was - who knows? My middle name is inappropriate so you can’t go by me.

A couple of years ago I bought two sets for Christmas and found I really didn’t have the patience to hunt down the word I wanted and many words were not there. But Randy left me messages.

The first message was: Your grey hair is beautiful - also your hands and both foots (He was right about the hair, but wrong about the hands and feet.)

The second message was: You are as beautiful as ever (I believe this is stretching the truth quite a bit, but I appreciated the sentiment.)

The third message was: Your laugh makes my heart happy (He often said this.)

The fourth was: Your eyes are radiant (Not sure about this one - in my youth my eyes were my best feature, but they’re a little squinty now.)

Some people wonder why I make jokes in these posts because this is obviously very painful, serious stuff. I can only say that I wouldn’t be able to write these at all if I didn’t throw in a bit of dark humor. When I’m alone I just stand in front of the refrigerator and cry.

I cry so much. How could he be gone?