My husband died on Good Friday
The neuro-oncologist said he would die, the palliative care team said he would die, then the hospice team said he would die. Soon.
But no matter how prepared we think we are, we aren’t.
This was not the first time we had to address mortality. Six years ago Randy had a lung transplant that saved his life. But 5 years after the transplant he had a seizure that led to a diagnosis of inoperable, incurable brain cancer. So we knew, because the neuro-oncologist told us, that he didn’t have long to live. Many tests and scans, radiology, chemotherapy, but the tumor grew and another tumor appeared and finally, the cancer spread to his spinal column. And suddenly life expectancy was 1-3 months and he was in palliative care mode. So I KNEW he was dying quickly. But despite the passing weeks and months, I sometimes can’t believe it. I mean, how could he just DIE? How could he be GONE?
Sometimes

A little like PTSD

And it’s hard… and it may never get easier

Still going through the stuff

Valentines Day
The power of voice

Taking a walk

The day after Christmas

Merry fucking Christmas
The holidays are upon us

I don’t like fall

Always something there to remind me

Nothing like a hug

It’s been a tough week

All the accounts: part 2

All the accounts

Checking the mail
Keep going

Am I home?
Good days and not so good days