Merry fucking Christmas

I don’t think I’ll ever have a tree again.

That was my first thought at 6 this morning. I read for a while, then went downstairs to feed Missy cat. I came right back upstairs and crawled back in bed. I set an alarm for 10 so I would be ready to go to brunch with Erin, and I fell back asleep. The alarm went off at 10 and I hit snooze several times, simply unable to drag myself out of bed. This is the second Christmas without Randy, and it’s even more painful than the first. If not for Erin I doubt I would have left my bed at all. All day I’ve wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over my head and sleep the miserable day away. 

After Erin went home I had leftovers for dinner (they were excellent leftovers) and tried to watch a movie. I couldn’t focus so I switched to reading and now I’m curled up in a chair with Missy cat, trying to feel cozy. Mostly I’m just waiting out the day so I can go to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow.