The day after Christmas

I can settle for less happy than this.

I had gone to bed early the night before, expecting to wake up feeling terrible - I had been feeling terrible pretty much since Randy’s birthday in November. And I planned to stay in bed all day if that’s what I felt like.

But I woke up feeling like a fever had broken. I felt tired and weak, but not so sad and depressed. And the day after that I woke up feeling okay. Not happy - I don’t even hope for happy anymore - but okay. I got up early (for me), made the bed, went to pick up some prescriptions, and felt okay.

I’m trying to remind myself that Fall is very difficult for me beginning with the anniversary of the transplant, Thanksgiving, Christmas - it’s all overwhelming and some days I can hardly get out of bed. Other days I get up but don’t want to talk to anyone. The weather sucks, it’s cold and often rainy, the days are short.

But it won’t always that way. Now the holidays are behind me, the days are getting longer (very slowly, but still), and I can hope to feel a little better. Still sad, still depressed, but better.

I can live with that.