More about taxes
We always did our taxes ourselves, but last year Randy died so close to tax day I just handed everything off to a random accountant who happened to have a storefront shop set up on a nearby street. I guess it turned out okay in that I got a refund and the IRS didn’t come after me.
This year I have money to declare that came from different places - life insurance, bonus money from Randy’s employer, interest from investments, disability pay. I was afraid I would mess something up so I went looking for a new accountant - I couldn’t find anyone in Alameda so the nearest person taking new clients was in Oakland in Jack London Square. I had to use my phone for directions because even though it’s just across the estuary from me there are one way streets and other weirdnesses that get me all turned around.
Randy and I had been there many times - it’s a little touristy but when the sun is out (it’s raining today) it’s a great place to people watch. There are people walking, skateboarding, riding bikes, boats on the water, farmers’ market on weekends. Many restaurants - one where we had a fancy prix fixe dinner once, lots of outdoor seating for brunch in the sun. I’m a big lover of brunch, mimosas, bloody Marys, eggs benedict.
Anyway, I got there and immediately got that flash of familiar - I’ve been here before - and unfamiliar - Randy should be with me. That contrast always makes me a little bit dizzy - like I’ve been slapped. Ordinarily - as in, in the ordinary past - Randy would have been with me for this errand and we would have stopped for lunch as we had many times before. But not this time, I think. Never again, I think.
In the accountant’s office there are questions: What was your husband’s date of death? His date of birth? His profession?
And because she’s friendly, more personal questions: Why are your social security numbers so close to each other? Because we both took Mr. Hester’s General Business class in high school and he gave us forms to fill out to get our social security cards. We went to school together.
Oh, and your birthdays are really close together as well. Yes, we were the same age - we met in the 4th grade but we didn’t really get together until we met at our 20th high school reunion.
She is charmed by the story - everyone is - but I don’t feel like telling the whole thing. Randy always enjoyed having an opportunity to tell the whole story to every new nurse he had when he was in the hospital - the anonymous valentine, the ring he bought me but was too shy to give me, how he never said a word to me until a casual “hi” in high school. Today the story just doesn’t feel so happy.
After that appointment I was supposed to go pick up a prescription and go to pilates class, but I thought Screw it. It’s raining, I’m sad, and I don’t want to talk to anyone. So I went home and sat in my beanbag with a Dr Pepper and tried to think of something that would cheer me up. So far, nothing comes to mind.