What if

We could have taken more trips.

I have heard people say they have no regrets because if they changed something they wouldn’t have ended up where they are, and they like where they are. My thought is, Yeah you like where you are but you might have liked somewhere else better - you don’t know. I believe in wishes and what-ifs. I don’t exactly regret anything I did around Randy’s death, but I do have some What ifs and some wishes.

What if, when we got the cancer diagnosis and knew he had in the neighborhood of 2 years to live, what if I had pressed our finance guy about retiring. He had run the numbers and said that financially it wouldn’t be ideal for me to retire at that point.

But what if I had said, I need to retire now so I can spend the rest of Randy’s life focused on him. Rerun your numbers and tell me what I have to give up to be able to retire now. Revise your numbers figuring that Randy dies in 3 years and immediately after he dies I sell the house and go live somewhere cheaper, without a mortgage.

I wish I had conveyed that sense of urgency.