It’s starting again

The paperwork

I hate paper mail and tend to let it stack up rather than deal with it. But right after Randy died I was surrounded by paper. Every envelope that came in the mail had multiple pages - mostly unnecessary - and every piece meant I had to look something up, send something back, sign something, or follow up in some way. I dreaded going to the mailbox because it seemed the paper would never end. I was completely overwhelmed and it was all so hard because, repeat after me: Who cares? My husband is DEAD. But it did finally slow to a trickle.

But now it’s the end of the year and it’s starting again. Something from Social Security about my new payment - probably because my supplemental insurance is being withheld. Something that seems to be a check from an insurance company I don’t know about. Can I just cash the check, or do I have to try to figure out what it’s for? And it has dawned on me that there will be all the W-2s and other end-of-year documents and I’ll have to gather them up, figure out whether I have everything, and then figure out taxes.

And as always, some wistful yet irritated childish part of me wants to know why I have to do hard stuff. Isn’t it enough that Randy died? Why do I have to keep dealing with the details?