Symbols and metaphors
After the transplant Randy lost a lot of weight - it would go up and down but it never even came close to what it had been prior to the transplant. Eventually his fingers got so thin that he lost his wedding ring - it just fell off and he didn’t notice. We were both sad - our rings had been engraved with the date of our wedding and with the first initials of How Do I Love Thee (mine) and Let Me Count the Ways (his). The date came in handy many times because I am very bad with dates and I could take my ring off and remember our anniversary. People made fun of me all the time.
So Randy bought another ring, this time without the engraving, which was kind of sad. After the cancer diagnosis he lost even more weight and when he realized his ring was loose again he took it off so he wouldn’t lose it. It sat on a shelf for probably a couple of years - I didn’t like seeing it there when he was alive and I really didn’t like seeing it after he died.
In one of the grief groups I attended people talked about how they chose to keep something of their person’s with them, like a talisman. One woman said she had her husband’s ring resized and she wore them both on her ring finger. I didn’t think I wanted to do that - I have some seriously enlarged knuckles and probably should wear fewer rings rather than more. So I thought I might try putting both rings on a chain as a necklace - I thought about putting just his on a chain but that seemed kind of high school. Two rings together seemed to symbolize our union, both close to my heart.
When I put them together I discovered that his newer ring was so much smaller than the original that mine fit just inside it. It looked like his ring was hugging mine. Which is perfect because he was a really good hugger.