It’s been a tough week

He was goofy sometimes - I loved that about him

It has been a very difficult week. Missing him is an ache in my chest, so strong that I have a hard time doing anything. In an effort to reassure myself I have been going over a list of things that have improved (not even sure that’s the word I want) since the horrible first days and weeks and months after he died.

• I no longer cry every day.

• There are still days when I cry on and off for hours, but there are more calm days than there are those painful days

• I don’t eat pizza every day

• I’m not drinking so much wine

• Most days I can go places if I have something to do and I don’t need to coax myself into it

• There are fewer days that I don’t leave the house, very few days that I don’t talk to anyone

• I don’t leave the dirty dishes to pile up in the kitchen for a week

• Sometimes I go to the grocery store rather than order online

• I almost never forget that he’s dead

I guess this means I’m healing, and I’m trying really hard to hold onto that so I don’t spend the whole day crying. It’s been a tough week.

I miss him so much.