Good days and not so good days

Walk along the bay

A few days ago I got an email letting me know that our little gated community would be having an evening get-together tonight on the lawn overlooking the water. Bring your own chair, beverage, and an appetizer to share (optional). And I thought, I can do that. I found my recipe for deviled eggs, realized I would have to go buy mustard and wine, and reminded myself that I would have to look for the platter that holds deviled eggs. I meant to go to the grocery store the day before, but things happened and I didn’t get there. But I still had this morning to do everything - I could even use dry mustard if I didn’t have time to go to the store.

But when I woke up this morning I knew immediately that it would be difficult for me to go anywhere. I was exhausted and a tightness in my belly did not bode well - probably an anxious and sad day. Eventually I began to feel restless and pushed myself to go for a walk. In the park, where I would go with Randy. The pelicans were out - Randy and I could watch them for a long time, dive bombing hapless fish. Today they were floating in the water, occasionally ducking beneath the surface to find food. I continued to walk along, feeling the emptiness where Randy should be and I felt more and more sad. So I headed home before I started to cry.

And I skipped the community gathering. Maybe next time.