Waves breaking on my heart

Sometimes a wave of sadness overcomes me for no particular reason. Today I went to the grocery store so I could get real food and maybe stop eating pizza all the time. I have been to the grocery store many times since Randy died, but for some reason I suddenly got sad. Randy and I almost always shopped together, but at the very end he would go with me and sit in the car - he didn’t feel up to going in, he just wanted to get out of the house for a bit.

Often when one of these waves hits me I sort of disconnect from everything - it’s like an out of body experience. And then it can take hours for me to get back to my regular state.

And then I think to myself, when will this stop happening? And then I answer myself - he’ll always be dead and you’ll always be sad.