Still forgetting

Different kind of sexy

I keep thinking I’m past some stage of grief. But, as anyone will tell you, grief is not linear and there aren’t stages. We just wish there were, that we could check off the stages and move slowly forward. Which, sadly, does not happen.

Recently I read somewhere that LA Law is streaming on Amazon, and I remember watching that show and mostly liking it. So I found it and began making my way through the episodes. It was a pretty good show then, less so now. But entertaining, a distraction. I particularly like the show’s theme - full of saxophone. Randy didn’t like the saxophone, and I would tease him about it.

Me, hearing a piece of music: Is that a saxophone?

Randy: Yes.

Me: You hate the saxophone.

Randy: I don’t hate the saxophone when it’s appropriate.

Me: When is it appropriate?

Randy: Not here.

I moved through the seasons, remembering almost none of it. Except that I really hated the Ann Kelsey character and wondering why she could NEVER be portrayed as a basically good person who was able to care about others. She wasn’t portrayed as bad, just as a bitch - ALWAYS. That show was tough on women.

But I digress.

In one season, John Spencer appears as Tommy Mullaney - smart, working class roots, gravelly voice, sexy. Randy would always make a growly noise when an actor appeared that I insisted was sexy - I had to ask him to do it because I can’t growl. I had completely forgotten that John Spencer was in that show, and I turned to Randy to ask him to make the noise. But he wasn’t there.

I had honestly thought I was past the place where I forget he’s dead. At least that one painful thing. But no, not yet.