Goodbye in so many ways

Cute picture, difficult task

Right after Randy died I had to get everything that reminded me of his illness out of my sight. One of the things that took time to get rid of was all the sheets and towels that had piled up - the laundry basket was overflowing. The sheets on our bed that he had been sleeping in prior to hospice care, the sheets from the hospital bed, the sheets under him that we used to lift and move him. And bunches of towels - rolled up towels to put under his neck, his knees, his ankles, rolled up towels that we put under him on his side to shift his position every two hours so he wouldn’t get pressure sores. It all had to be washed and dried and put away - it took days because it was hard to keep looking at all of it. Seeing all those sheets and towels meant I couldn’t stop thinking about the hospital bed and watching him die and thinking about how we probably hurt him when we shifted or lifted him.

Once everything was washed and dried and folded I put it all out in the garage. The garage has become the physical manifestation of my sadness - my sadness overflows into tears and the sad physical reminders of Randy’s illness and death overflow into the garage.