Frame it

This Christmas I got one of the best presents I have ever received. Daughter Kendall moved to Boston with her little family this fall so she sent me an electronic photo frame that allows her to add photos of her new home and her people so that I keep a sense of what her life is like and what my granddaughter looks like.

Other people can add photos as well so I get photos of daughter Erin and her cats, daughter Hayley and the grandsons - it’s really great to see new photos pop up. At the same time, I am adding photos - pictures of all the daughters when they were small, of our time in Iowa, of daughters graduating from things, Randy and I when we were kids, of our blended family, and of me and Randy together and separately. Most of the photos are of Randy because he is the person none of us will ever see again.

The frame sits on a side table in the living room where I can see it from the sofa where I often read and remonstrate with myself for drinking too much wine. The other day I realized just how much my grief is ratcheting up as time is hurtling toward the anniversary of Randy’s death when a photo of him popped up and it hurt so much that I had to turn the frame around so I wouldn’t see any more photos.

I know I say this all the time, but it’s breaking my heart.